10 April 2009

That Crazy Psycho Bitch!!!

Now I'm one of those people who hate when guys use the words ho, skank, bitch etc to describe women as it's just damn plain disrespectful to the entire female gender. Especially when we remember that all men are of woman born. However no better epitaph than the title given fits this particular classification of woman. I mean let's check it...crazy psycho babe, crazy psycho lady, crazy psycho woman, crazy psycho chick...none of them have quite the same ring as crazy psycho bitch, now do they?

Many of my male friends have lamented their encounters with certain daughters of Eve and have had no better name for their erstwhile love interests then 'that crazy psycho bitch'. Their stories have sent chills down my spine and made me wonder what genetic flaw could make the once loving girlfriend suddenly turn to Freddy Kruger of Nightmare on Elm Street fame. Is there something in the female gene code that triggers psychosis in us? Is there a particular chromosome that turns a relatively (cos truth told most human beings are only about 80% mentally stable on average) stable woman into the Bride of Frankenstein revisited when she enters a relationship? Or is it the men that trigger the response?

In a piece I wrote awhile back (Commitment Pt. 1) I compared a relationship to time in a psychiatric facility...(after all the word commitment could refer to exclusivity in a relationship, dedication to something, or a spell in an asylum!) and I asked whether relationships made people crazy or simply acted as a catalyst and merely triggered a latent congenital precondition. I've seen otherwise sane and intelligent women turn stalker, forgetting their own lives and careers and trailing their men's every movement (or squandering money better spent on Jimmy Choos, paying people to spy on him.)

Technology has also increased the power of the female stalker. Now she spends every available minute tracking his MySpace, DiggIt, Facebook, Twitter etc activities and posting hate-mail to every female on his list. God help him if she gets her hands on his password...she either sends insulting emails to everyone from his boss to his mother, or simply deletes all correspondence and contacts. GSM technology has also changed the path of relationships and brought psychosis to greater heights. Now she steals his phone to check his call log and (either using his phone, her phone or a business center) calls everyone warning them to stay clear. A friend of mine told me of such a case where his (now ex)girlfriend called his sister and warned her to leave her man alone. The SMS in-box and outboxes are not safe either. Messages sent even before they were an item are reacted upon immediately, the same thing as with the call log. As one US rapper lamented to his boo in a rhyme...'it's called an iPhone not a Us-Phone'. Damn girl...the privacy thing goes BOTH ways.

I've been on the receiving end of this, with strange women calling me at 2 or 3 in the morning to tell me to leave 'so and so' alone or else! When I was younger this would have proved sufficient motivation to date the guy even if I initially had no thought of the initially (I hate people threatening me or accusing me of crap I didn't do). Now (older and moderately wiser), I'd laugh, but instead I feel a slight sympathy for the woman, so insecure in her relationship that she has to spend time better spent sleeping or having sex, harassing poor women like me!!

Now...if she's not calling all his ex(?)-girlfriends (real or imagined), she's calling him! Not once in a day mind you, but 15 to 20 times in the space of 3hrs (maybe it's just me, but c'est tres beaucoup EXCESSIVE=CRAZY!!), that aside she still sends 10 or more SMS messages between calls. If, for any reason whatsoever, (none of her business if he's in the middle of a meeting to cement a multi-billion naira deal) he doesn't pick her call he's with another woman! She routinely checks his clothes for makeup smudges and lipstick stains, her nose is always on active duty for strange perfume odors. She goes as far as doing his laundry so she can check for sperm discharges on his boxers! If he's late arriving home he must be coming from his latest catches house (she's timed the journey from his office to house to the nanosecond and recruited his guard or neighbor's child to serve as watchdog). Unfortunately for her, all these actions succeed in only one thing...sending the brother running and screaming for dear life to the hills. Hell, they're not even married yet and have been dating for all of six weeks, she's acting like she owns him and has the C of O in her handbag!

Now I know there are men out there who can actually drive a woman to such madness with their underhand and damned right sneaky behaviour, but most guys are pretty straight up and involved in their relationships (I'm really being very kind with this assumption!). I don't think it's a trust issue either. It's not about whether she trusts the guy, but more about her self-esteem. I mean if you're like me and know you're fly, why would any guy cheat on you? (I know...I'm very modest). OK...so I'm just joking there, but truthfully if you know that you're a good woman and deserving of respect, and you know that you carry yourself as such, even a guy who's an absolute dog'll treat you that way i.e with respect. If he values you he'll put a damper on his gaming or at worst keep it out of your line of sight because he thinks you are special.

When a woman is the type that is independent of her relationship, and can find her happiness outside her man, and seeks her own pleasure, letting him be himself; the man tends to want to spend more time with her. Why? Because she's stress-free. She prioritizes the relationship, sure, but it isn't her only priority. Her life does not revolve around him, she realizes that he is only an addition to and not the whole of her life. And if homeboy doesn't appreciate the fact he's on to a good thing...his loss...not yours

Personally, I have a policy, it's very simple and not mind-blowing, but it's helped me from entering psycho bitch status...I follow the advice of the Three Monkeys, that is Hear no evil, See no evil and Speak no evil and evil shall be far from you. What I don't know won't kill me, and if I don't go looking for trouble I won't find it. I really don't care to know what secrets his email account holds, nor his SMS boxes. Neither do I want to know where he is or who he's with when he isn't with me. I don't want to know who he's calling or who called him. I don't care who he's kissing on the side, cos he ends up in my bed not hers. As Ashante sings in her song..."I've got the good good". And I don't listen to tale bearers, my body dey phone me when wahala dey!
Curiosity slayed the cat and he had nine lives, I only have one and have no intention wasting it worrying about any man even if he's my husband!

PS: I'd like to know for research purposes readers encounters with CPBs (please feel free to change the bitch to bastard if you need to...men are not exempt from the crazy psycho label either). And CPBs are welcome to tell what drives them to it.

DISCLAIMER: All thoughts and opinions expressed here are all mine (crazy as they might seem). All works here are my original work (unless otherwise stated)

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