03 November 2009

Of Tall Buildings and Aeroplanes

Long time no write...well not quite a true statement! I've been writing but everything is pretty much in draft form at the moment, my thought stream is like watching a video stream via YouTube with a GPRS handset on an MTN line at the moment, or sex without climax...hiatus (or coitus) interruptus. Luckily today my brain to blog download was not a victim of network errors (i.e psychosis) and system upgrades (i.e therapy and lil purple pills) we have the new P IX processor running on the motherboard a la Mode9 so we should be good for the rest of the day.

Anyways that aside, here's a piece of trivia about me totally unknown to most mere mortals, I have an acute fear of heights aka ACROPHOBIA ([ak-ruh-foh-bee-uh] noun a pathological fear of heights (alright so I'm showing off...big deal...it's my condition so I can show off it I wanna :P)). And this I tell you either cos we're all friends here or you're a stalker trailing me through my blog (whichever it is you actually take time the to encourage my psychosis by reading my demented musings aka my blog...so I guess we're cool). Yes...I can hear your expressions of shock and disbelief (:-o)(although some people are engaging in a bout of demonic and highly sarcastic laughter, right about now...yes this I also know because...I'm psychic (and I'd be doing the same too) :-))...Ms. "Leap tall buildings in a single bound" Dang is afraid of something.

As a child I learned the wisdom of confronting your fears and tried to confront my fear of heights with mixed results. My fear doesn't impact on my day-to-day life simply because I have no business in tall buildings. However on the few occasions I've had to encounter my phobia I stay well away from windows. I am most definitely not gonna be one of those millionaires (in $, Pounds (sterling) and Deutschemark) that'll be living in a penthouse suite I can assure you of that. Last time I found myself in a hotel room with a view (6th floor no less) I spent most of my time in bed (and no it isn't what you're thinking), any time I stood up I had a case of vertigo. Glass elevators on the side of shopping malls are defo out! Me? Tiny box? Up in the air? LOL...yeah right *sniggering sarcastically*...that is so gonna happen!

Here I share my first attempt to conquer my acrophobia.

  • The location: the Giant Slide at the amusement park (can't remember where, but I know it wasn't too far from Manchester).
  • Mission: to jump and feel no far.
  • Status: Mission accomplished NOT.
Sure I climbed up the stairs to the top of this 20 + metre wonder monstrosity totally (depends on your personal point of view to suicide attempts) on reaching the zenith I would've climbed back down the stairs too if i could but alas they were designed for upward traffic only (sneaky bastards) reminding me of that song by Yazz..."The Only Way is UP!" (by the way does anyone know whatever happened to her?).
OK where was I before Yazz...I remember...I'm at the top (having made the fatal error of looking over the edge and pausing to ponder the zen wisdom of my actions) and I'm thinking to myself as I start to hyperventilate, dizziness taking over and total organ failure eminent..."this is SO...OOOO not gonna happen!" So there I am...stuck, literally rooted to the spot and saying the prayers my Sunday school teacher taught me the prior week and seeing no salvation in sight. Tears stream down silently down my cute (and if I say so myself...heroic) lil' face (Yes I was a cute little girl before I acquired all this hawtness...Thank you very much) and I'm thisclose to wetting myself (before you start the hmmm-ing and ha-ing remember I was about seven or eight years old then so I had the right to poor bladder function...cos I know some of y'all still bed-wet till now *KMT*) I've been up here for close to an hour and hunger is setting in.

What to do? Yes that is the question! So Shakespearean at such a young age...I was a baby Keats so it ain't my fault ;-). Anyway...there I am in a quandary of mammoth proportions, there is only one way out and I'd rather face the bullies at school 24/7 than jump. To the rescue...a bloody sadist!

Yes...I am saved by a wicked yobbo who just pushes me off the damn thing in their mad hurry to commit suicide. My throat tightens, my heart nearly jumps outta my mouth, I taste metal in my mouth care acid reflux, and I scream for dear life for all of the 10 seconds it takes for me to touch terra firma. Then as i stand on solid ground I have a shocking revelation...It was FUN!!! I run back up as fast as my little legs can carry me (which was remarkable fast thanks to all the years of running from bullies during break-time) and repeat the fear cycle again. This I did five more times. From thereon in it became a part of me to always try what scares me...from roller coasters, Log rides to Pirate ships (Alton Towers had my heart), I never lost my fear, but discovered that I kinda like to torture myself! That's the kicker with me and fear...I fear it but I relish the rush that comes from confronting it and dominating it...till the next time around. Masochism at its height! (pun intended)

Now the oddity about this thing with me and my fear of heights is that I...like totally...LOVVVVVVVVVVVEEE to fly! Boeings are nice and all, but I'm talking choppers and propeller planes. I like the feeling of being so high up and seeing the human ants and tonka trucks and cars below. I like seeing  (and reaching out to touch, and for this reason alone choppers are cool) not just the clouds but the infinite wonder of God's creation in a similar way to how I believe He views it from the heavens.

There is a cleansing I feel that I can't put into words that the view from above gives. I even like the turbulence. Smaller crafts (boats too) remind you of the nothingness that is Man. Any second the elements could get the best of you and you have but a few seconds to make peace with God and hope you repented quickly enough before you die a highly elitist death and discover if there truly is a life after death. Macabre I know, but if you didn't know by now that I'm scary, twisted and damaged here's some advice...gratis...STOP READING MY BLOG!!

DISCLAIMER: All thoughts and opinions expressed here are all mine (crazy as they might seem). All works here are my original work (unless otherwise stated)

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Anonymous said...

I've read this one before...lol you're a case...which smelling fear *hiss*

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