17 July 2009

Benefits?! Yes Please!

Ok...when did you guys send out the memo? And why did no one bother to send mine along? Or is mine on its way via snail mail (and with all the technology abound I don't know who was fool enough to use snail mail in this day and age)?
Alright, I guess you're wondering what's got me so ticked off? When was the embargo on sex signed into law? I thought that was just Kenya or wherever. I don't know whether it's just me but I thought one of the benefits of being an active party of a "committed" relationship (RE: Commitment Pt 1 for more of my views on this issue) was the sex? (Alright...1 minute to laugh is all you're getting starting now!)
I'm quite serious...wasn't that the only tangible fringe benefit of being one of a twosome? Yes...I know alot of my readers will gasp in protest and say a relationship is about more than sex, that it's about togetherness, mutual compatibility, and all those mushy warm fuzzy feelings. Ok...I concede in part, but really...isn't sex an incentive somewhere in the mix? Don't get all sanctimonious with me...YOU! I've never been a moralist, always a realist, so why should I start being a goodie two shoes now?
Maybe when I was younger and in my free loving phase I wouldn't think twice about looking for stress relief where I could find it, but I got sold a dud and was told that a relationship was the one place you could get 'all you can eat' guilt-free sex with consistency. So I tossed out my vibrator, hell I even got rid of my booty call! But now I raise a hand in protest and holler as loud as I can na lie o!.
Don't get me wrong I like the late night chilling, the companionable silences, the discussing how your respective days went (even though at times it can be a challenge stifling an inappropriate yawn), the pretending to like the dumb gift he got you on your birthday (if you're lucky that is and he even remembered), the fact that you don't have to drag your best male friend along to events were a plus 1 is a must or heavens forbid turn up stag. All benefits of the relationship. But let's cut to the chase and get to the nitty gritty...it's the sex!
Now...I am by no means a nympho (although by Chike's dating definitions I'm an Easy Nymphomanic...how cool is that?), and I do prefer a little sophistication when it comes to gettin my freak on, but I want what I want when I want it...and right now I ain't getting it! They should really make people sign contracts before they start dating...you know like as you start you have to pledge to do the deed at least 3 times a week (pls note no upper limits exists, grind til you kaput) unless by mutual consent, and a fine should be placed on erring parties, because if that were the case I'd be a fucking millionaire (no pun intended...well not really :-), but you get my drift). I make no apologies...I'm a hoochie...for the right man.

PS: the author will start accepting applications by 30th June. Multiple applications will be rejected, and a full medical report by an approved hospital is required (ECG a must).
PPS: This is a result of Candida, Chike and James's bad influence.
(Originally posted: 14 May 09)

DISCLAIMER: All thoughts and opinions expressed here are all mine (crazy as they might seem). All works here are my original work (unless otherwise stated)

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abstract butta fingas said...

I'm with you on this one. Sex gets the backseat in relationships and that shit needs to stop. It really defeats the purpose of a twosome...

Jojo said...

@abstract butta fingas: Mbela...LOL my point exactly-ish. Sex is really important but too much emphasis on it can kinda fuck things up (pun intended)

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