I'm really bored...hence the note blitz! As referenced in one of my prior notes (RE: My Current Playlist) the song with the subject title is one of my favorites. It's a song done in the late 70s by The Eagles the group that gave us classics like Hotel California, Love Will Keep Us Alive and Tequila Sunrise. It's an oldie no doubt, but its essence remains true, and most likely will centuries to come. It tells of a lover who is constantly drawn back to his partner. Despite the fights, the arguements, heart breaks and disappointments he constantly stops short at the door. Thankfully, he doesn't label his stupidity under the moniker of love.
I know...I constantly come across as a relationship cynic, maybe I am to an extent but I do seriously believe that God had good purpose when he made us male and female then told us to hook up. My problem with this however is rooted in Genesis 6 v 6 (Man by nature is wicked and constantly plans evil)...so many bad people with so many bad plans...but that asides, back to my topic.
My reservations regarding lust, like and love (and whether a fundamental difference actually exists between them) on the back burner momentarily, I find myself in a relationship quandary and have to ask...is love really enough? Love is so esoteric in nature...a mythical camelot, the yogi's nirvana...searched for, but the map showing its location lost in transit. It is not based on reality the way we talk it up, it is an ideal...and misplaced idealism is dangerous!
Love and all its promised peace have (and will continue to) driven many a soul crashing to the rocks just like the singin siren of folklore. Love is nice in concept, but I wonder whether the search for it hasn't somewhat eroded our God-given sense of practicality!
I love you...you (says you) love me, but somehow we can't seem to make it work! Why? Do we really have the right idea or are we simply pursuing a set of impossible totally unSMART goals? As I constantly preach, saying it and actually doing it are very different things. How can you claim to love me when you don't need me?
Love breeds need! The need for validation, the need to be needed. The need to feel like the other person's life would be incomplete without YOU! The need to feel like you count in the person's eyes. That they seek your validation too, that they lean on you, confide in you and can be weak in your presence. That your views count to them, that they can't live without you, that you are special. Selfishness at its best. I've recently discovered that I am selfish...I WANT to be truly needed, not just wanted, which goes contrary to my belief that love is about choice not necessity i.e you choice to be with the person you're with and are not compelled by forces beyond your control to be there.
There are times in a relationship that it feels like one of those 'never-ending' tv dramas where halfway through they keep replacing the soap star that plays your favorite character with someone else. Some relationships are just like that...you discover that you are f**king expendable...in YOUR OWN bloody movie (like some over-the-hill scarlet in Hollywood). Either your 'celebrity' status is so low that they could put in a new actor and your beau wouldn't even realise that he was kissing someone else, or worse still you get killed off in the script without a warning notice!
My new philosophy is that we do not seek love but need. Unfortunately we tend towards people who don't need us or who need us a bit too much (read this as co-dependant clingy, psycho a la Fatal Attraction (actually Glenn Close used them as a case study) with nada self-esteem). The issue now becomes an issue of striking a suitable need balance.
However women tend to be drawn to men who don't really need them (self included). By our very nature (most of us anyway) we are drawn towards 'MEN'. By this I refer to men who are driven, focused, goal getting, successful, take charge, cock of the coop men; not mealy mouthed mama's boys. Men who make things like walking on water, devising a workable plan for global peace and bringing an end to global warming seem like a walk in the park...all in a day's work (:-)), real kickass alpha males. The thing is...such men tend to be loners, packless wolves...never truly needing anyone, and find all they need within.
So what's a girl to do? Basically one thing...deal with it! Either accept the fact that he'll never truly need you in a Jordan Sparks' and C. B 'No Air' kinda way and be okay with that, or bounce and look for lesser mortals. Cynic? Or just a realist? I'd like to think I'm the latter.All said and done, I think I've told you why I remain where I'm not needed. Maybe it's love (or something like it) (yeah...right!!!)?
Originally Posted: 07 May 09Tweet It...You know you wanna