As you already know I like music (my notes should've given that away by now) and have pretty eclectic tastes... jazz, soul, r n b, blues (think Nina Simone, Ella Fitzgerald & Muddy Waters), hip hop, rock, techno, electronica...you name it, if the beat is tight and the lyrics make sense, I listen (although I do admit i'm a tad partial to r n b). The title of this piece is courtesy of Usher. On his CD 'Here I Stand' there's a track called 'His Mistake (I Can't Win)' where he laments the inability of his lover to let go her memories of the man that came before.
The lines that caught my attention (paraphrased) were:
"I'll do anything to prove I love you, but girl I refuse to pay for something I didn't do". "Why must I do time for another man's crime...always guilty before the sin... I can't win!"
Now apart from being good music the words echo the actions of many of us (self included). So many times we take the hurts from prior relationships, all the old baggage and garbage, the other person's crimes, abuses, betrayals etc (guarding them jealously) and transplant them into our new relationships. The law courts usually state a person is innocent till proven guilty, the same should apply to relationships but alas it's usually a case of guilty till the person proves themself innocent (and innocence is harder to prove than guilt).
We never truly forget the betrayals and pains of past loves even when we find true happiness with another, and the moment something happens that comes even remotely close to what an ex did, memories rush wildly, like a dam breaching, causing us to start building mountains out of what might'nt even be a molehill, jumping to assumptions (assume translation: making an ASS of U and ME) and seeing the angel of doom hovering at our doors standing hand on guillotine.
We talk of "forgive and forget" but it's easier said than done. We might have forgiven and moved on but we never forget. We might push it to the netherland of our subconscious, but events tend to trigger even the most repressed of memories. Sure Mr.(or Ms) A cheated, lied, pretended to be what they weren't and broke your heart, but does that naturally preclude that Mr.(or Ms) B will too? It is unfair to judge others guilty because of the sins of others male or female. Just because two people are named John Doe doesn't mean they'll think alike or act alike...each is a unique individual, just as you are! As the good book says it is foolishness to put old wine in new skins, it's a waste of the good wine and the wineskin.
Superimposing the negative characteristics of the old on the new is a recipe for disaster. Instead of spontaneously enjoying the joys the new relationship brings we spend so much (needless) time looking for demons lurking in the shadows, and overlook the angels dancing in the sunlight. We get so busy preparing for failure that we never accept the possibility that success lays at hand.
Every relationship should be judged on its own merit, otherwise a self fulfilling prophesy arises, you being the Most exalted prophet of doom.
Usually when you think something long enough and hard enough you begin to attract it to yourself, positive thoughts receive positive outcomes, negative thoughts breed negativity. Being cautious with your heart and emotions is all well and good, but being overly cautious leads to a stand still. An overly cautious businessperson never reaches Fortune 500 status, it's those who take calculated risks, and follow their gut instincts or intuition that skyrocket. Yes...the pain is real, the scars exist but scars heal eventually.
Holding on to the hurt takes power completely out of your hands and gives it over to your ex. How? The person though long gone still has control over your life...look how they're affecting your current relationships and virtually dictating the course of your current affairs. Holding on to the past with such tenacity closes the door to future happiness, and actually blinds one from seeing opportunities that exist. Also, holding on to hurt is an act of pure undiluted selfishness, you rob others and yourself the total experience of (the unchained, unhindered, demon free) YOU.
Love...agape or erotic is based on trust, if you continually distrust because of the mistakes of others who weren't even meant to experience the WONDER that is YOU, you'll NEVER find the ONE that (truly) IS!
So please...don't make him (her) pay for 'His Mistake'.
Posted: Jan 28, 2009
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