19 March 2009

The Morning After...

So okay...you've finally had sex with the person you've been in lust with for so long, then comes the morning after and you wake up wondering what to say!
Last night may or may not have not lived up to your s-expectations (it rarely does...unless of course the gods of lust have called you blessed) Now even if the sex was omg fantastic, there sometimes exists that lag in brain to mouth coordination. You don't wanna be all 'umm...so what's that your name again' or appear so desperate to get rid of them (or eager to bounce if it isn't your crib), neither do you want to wax too poetically about the orgasm that you maybe never had (for the ladies) before you end up sounding like you've never done this before (had sex that is). You search desperately for a witty one liner to open up the 'I really have to be getting home' coversation which can be awkward if it's your house. If you're lucky (and here the lust gods really blessed you) you guys get back to the more important matter of Anatomy 101 and together continue the search for the location of the ever elusive G-spot!
Now all the above is assuming the night before rated 6 - 10 on your scale. Now if it was a 0 to 4 rating it becomes a hell of a lot more difficult to progress to the exit without making it look like Ben Jones took tips from you. If you ever been unfortunate enough to have encountered erectile dysfunction or dismally inept performance (some ladies think layin down spread eagle constitutes active participation) on that one night of lust it becomes kinda like crossing a field of land mines; a case study in diplomacy and verbal wizardry to leave without further bruising your object of lust's already dented ego (that is assuming they realize that they fell well below the cut off point).
If however...it was just a 5 on your scale retaking the bed test might be an option. The task now becomes introducing the topic (especially if you were the party that scored 5) at just the right moment for maximum effect.
Assuming you were well and truly blessed and the morning after turns into breakfast in bed (food not on the menu) and you stroll home the next afternoon with that swagger (yes...there is an 'i got laid...and laid good' kinda swagger) issues of etiquette arise. How long can you stay without calling so you don't come across as a total shit heel and inadvertently slam the door on more nookie from the same source (if you're so inclined to eat at that spot again); how many times can you call in the proceeding days (for the ladies) without coming across as needy or a potential stalker in the making? Is it forward to suggest another hook up (ladies again) if the sex was all that. And how do you move it from lust and transitional sex to something with more meaning? And how do you politely turn down offers for more than sex when you don't want it to actually go beyond just sex?
Now I end this random musing with a question for my few dedicated readers (just cos i'm curious)...what have been your most awkward 'morning after' experiences? Tweet It...You know you wanna


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