30 March 2009

Pen and Blank Pad

Over the last couple of weeks I've had sort of a writer's block. It's not that the ideas don't come...it's follow through that's the problem.

1001 bright ideas pop into my head, and a few are kinda great (if I say so myself), I even hear voices in my head spewing forth witty dialogues (and yes...I do know how that comes across!!!) but when it comes to putting pen to paper (or in the 21st century, finger to keyboard, or in my case, to mobile phone keypad) I ram a brick wall. The fountain of words dries up, the voices press mute, and my muse jumps ship.

I think I understand why I'm muse-less! Over-anxiety! I got a lot of props for writing humorous and insightful little pieces, and some actually suggested I should think of writing professionally, either as a columnist or a novelist. Now I don't know about that (although flattery is always appreciated), but now I have expectations to live up to... and they're not my mother's! (whose expectations I've at long last stopped trying to meet. I started disappointing her from when I hit 16 so why should I stop now? :-)).

Competition is also rendering me 'pen' shy. It's not that I'm actively competing with anyone here, but blogspot has provided me an opportunity to see what's available and I'm green with envy. The talent abound, and the sheer artistry of many of the bloggers here has me hyperventilating, panicked and feeling like a fraud (even though I never pretended to be a writer). I need to step my game WAY UP!

The pressure to perform is getting to me, I believe. The sarcastic wittisms that formerly dripped effortlessly from my 'pen' have dried up quicker than a water droplet in the Sahara. The tongue in cheek humor that once graced my posts, now washed up and faded... like a Hollywood starlet gone past 30!

The once fun activity now begins to feel like work (ouch...did I just say that dirty word, the W word). The thing I did purely for pleasure and free psychotherapy is suddenly my own private hell.

I've decided I'm no longer writing for anyone. I'm going to write just for me. Hopefully like Stella, I'll finally get my groove back.

DISCLAIMER: All thoughts and opinions expressed here are all mine (crazy as they might seem). All works here are my original work (unless otherwise stated)

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